To Do A Ghost
by Izulza
Summary: A crossover between Scary Movie 2 & The Phantom of the Opera.
1. Booty Call

Author's Note:

Hi everyone. I'm back! I've been waiting a long time for a PotO and Scary Movie crossover, so I decided that I should be the 1st to do so. I've had this idea for a long time. My whole family thinks I have a strange sense of humor, perhaps I've now put it to good use.

This is basically taken from the scene Hugh Kane has a booty call with Alex.

* * *

To Do A Ghost

Christine was half asleep in a king-size bed at the De Changy estate and she was alone. Raoul was away on business and this relieved Christine immensely. Upon their wedding night she discovered Raoul could not perform. They had made love every night for the past month and the young Vicomtess had yet to exprience her first climax. This frustrated her to no end.

Feeling horny and hot, she opened the balcony doors to perhaps cool off. She should have noticed the mist creeping through the open doors.

"Why does Raoul have to be so small," she thought bitterly. "Oh master, you were definately huge," Christine sighed at the memmories that hinted at his _largeness_: twice when her angel sang _Music of the night, _twice again during _Point of No Return _when they were pressed so closely together and finallay when she kissed him. She became wet while remembering his eel-like tongue.

Soon the lone woman drifted into a light slumber, just before the key in the master bedroom door slowly turned, locking her in the room with a faint _click_.

It was the sound of a zipper being pulled down that awoke the young lady. She sat up and looked around the room that illuminated by the full moon. Once again she rested her head against the oversized pillows, but still wide eyed and aware.

Defly something griped her jaw, pulled it down and opened her mouth. Frantically, Christine tried to make out anything at all, but nothing could be seen.

Suddenly, a long shaft, somehow hard and soft, was shoved into her mouth. She tried to scream, but found it impossible. Now her head was being jerked back and forth from the force of this strange item. Pressed into the plush pillows, then pulled right back up again only to do it all over once again. Then invisible hands took hold of her hair and yanked Christine into a sitting position. The first intruder began thrusting even harder now and she could feel its head hitting the back of her throat.

Finally, the young lady was released, she fell back, panting too hard to scream. The unseen hands gently cupped her face and an eel-like tongue slipped in between her swollen lips. An all too familliar eel-like tongue.

"Master," Christine breathed with realization.

"_Christine,"_ the voice of her Angel of Music whispered in her ear,"_let me please you."_

"Take me!" She screamed, desperate to feel her very climax and knowing her Angel would be able to deliver. An unseen force threw off the covers, lifted her in the air, spun her around in place and dropped her back on the bed - naked." Why can't I see you, Angel?" Christine asked so Inconcently.

"_Its a long and complex story, my angel, but for now you and I need this release,_"he growled, "_most urgently_."

Her knees were grasped and pulled apart, as Erik took the plunge. His Christine groaned so beautifully to Erik's ears it sounded like a new kind of music. That was his and his alone to compose and have the pleasure of hearing.

Soon Christine's whole body was being thrusted against the headboard, in a similar fashion as her head was earlier. Only this time Lady De Changy enjoyed herself.

"More. More. More.

" the Phantom hissed through invisible clenched teeth.

"Take! Take!

**Take**!" she moaned. Now she was being dragged up the wall and onto the ceiling. Still in thrusting formation. After a while and four orgasms each later, they somehow managed to make love on the door and upside down. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Lady Christine, is everything alright in there?!"

"Oh no! One of the maids," Christine tried to reach for the key to lock the door.

"I've already taken care of that. Just make them go away!"

the invisible man on top of Christine ordered.

"Everything is fine. Nothing you need to concern yourself with," Christine spluttered as Erik ran his unseen hands all over the pale body of his protégé

, causing her eyes to roll back into her head.

"Oh, alright," the maid replied confused.

Christine, while still on the door, was brought to her knees for a few more thrust, before flying across the room and landing on the massive bed.

* * *

Tee-hee! I have a naughty mind. If you look at Christine during _Music of the Night _, while Erik sings '_Secretly possess you'_ , her eyes go a bit south (if you know what I mean). I would like to thank Erik'sTrueAngel for her warm welcome and help. So with more to come, I bid you farewell.


	2. Hasta Manana

**Author's Note:**

_Italic_ means invisible Erik. And I'd like to thank an anonymous reviewer. Originally I was half way through this chapter when I got your review. After reading it I deleted this chapter because it was too corny, stupid and rushed. Please let me know if I have remained faithful in this chapter and I look forward to your reviews and please PM me if you have any ideas for this story to make it longer. And I'd like to thank my new Beta, Nibblesfan, who corrected _a lot_ of mistakes. Thank you again for your patience.

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Chapter 2

HASTA MANANA

Finally tuckered out, Christine sat in bed, half under the covers, with a cigarette in hand and next to her was a seemingly floating cigar that was being held by the invisible Phantom. Taking a puff she sighed, "That was the best that I ever had! How was it for you, my Angel?"

_"Perfection at its finest, as you always are my Angel," _he commented, taking his own drag. _"You should not be smoking. That thing will destroy years of training you and I endured together."_

The Vicomtess inhaled deeply and blew in the direction of his face - or at least where she assumed it was - she retorted, "Hypocrite! Cigars are much worse and besides what does it matter?"

"_Meaning?"_ her angel inquired.

"My husband believes if I go anywhere near a stage, you'll be there waiting to kill the male lead, take his part, burn the theater with the use of a chandelier and be off with me as the damsel in distress. And the only time I ever do sing is in the parlor when we have guest over and they all think Carlotta was good when she sang."

"_That fop!"_ Erik fumed_ "I swear that brain of his is the size of a - of a - a-"_

"His manhood?" At that the two lovers burst into an uproar of laughter, until they both took a good, long, hard drag.

_"You know, Christine,"_ Erik began.

"Hmn?"

_"You could always come back to your Angel of Music. With me you will have music - real music- and could sing with me till your heart's content "_

Christine stared at the suspended cigar, "After all I put you through, you still want me back?"

_"I still love you,"_ he corrected,_ "and if there is sex on demand, I'm sure forgiveness is attainable," _he invisibly grinned, his only - and damn sexy - eyebrow bobbing up and down.

"But I'm still married to the Vicomte-" she tried to argue.

_"Unending music and sex morning, noon, and night."_ Erik reminded his favourite protégé. She just O_O-ed for a moments_. "Christine?"_

"You are helping me pack," she finally decided.

"_One moment please."_

Suddenly the cigar was dropped onto the over expensive bed and started burning. Christine immediately jumped into action and put out the starting fire with the use of one of the tacky, large pillows. Meanwhile behind the married fire fighter a heavy object, shrouded in the finest black, fell from the roof onto the balcony with a comical thud. She spun round only to see a well-dressed man stumbling to get to his feet and pushing an opera cape out of his face.

Once the fallen man had composed himself to his usual graceful and alluring stance, Christine saw her Angel, her Phantom, her lover, her Maestro, her...her...her (yeah, that's all I got). She could only look at the proud man, who took long beautiful strides towards the naked, awaiting woman. Christine could just spout dramatically, "My Angel, my Phantom, my lover, my Maestro, my...my...my... yeah, that's all I got."

"And _I_ got you, my Angel," he scooped up in his arms, only to drop her back down once again on the soiled bed to make love once again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

* * *

"Christine, my love. Your beloved husband, hero, Vicomte, and... ah...yeah that's all I got," Raoul mumbled the last part. Changy the self-proclaimed hero and saviour (despite the fact that he was captured, trapped and Christine was the one who ended up saving his foppy ass), was finally home and in the mood for some lovin'. "Christine!" he called again.

Upon entering the master bedroom it should have been obvious that something had, in fact, happened: the wardrobe belonging to his wife was emptied, some of the furniture had been turned over, the sheets of his various bed were in disarray with a stain of sorts in the middle, and Christine was nowhere to be found. The hamster in the Vicomte's head (that run the wheel, the one that made his brain work) was currently on break, so no connection was made until he found two notes addressed to him.  
On the first:  
_Christine to Raoul  
Raoul, I'm going to be blunt and honest.  
I am leaving you for a life on the stage and to have sex with a real man(hood).  
I still love you (sort of) and I will never stop thinking about (making fun of) you.  
Christine  
P.S. You did not save me during __'Down Once More' __I saved your foppish ass._

On the second:  
_Winner to loser_  
_HASTA MANANA SUCKER!_  
_I win! I win! I win!_  
_Nenenenenene nenenenenene!_  
_Your Obedient Servant_  
_O.G_

Raoul looked up from the note and his brow furrowed in confusion, until a few minutes later when Fluffers (the hamster in the Vicomte's brain) came back from his break and started rolling.  
Within a couple of minutes De Changy finally figured out what had happened "Christine!Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(gasp for breath)ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

* * *

Sorry for all the Raoul bashing in this chapter, I write as it comes to me. Hope you enjoyed it and blah blah blah (you get the picture).


	3. Epilogue

**Author's Note: **Sorry I'm late.

**Anonymous: **We all do it sometimes. No worries.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Epilogue**

There he lay, the once Phantom of the Opera, the almighty Opera Ghost, blissfully next to the woman of his dreams.

"Erik wake up!" He shot up in fright, only to hit his head on the piano stool.

"Ow! Christine, wha-," Erik looked around and saw that he and his angel were by his organ, "How did we get here? I could have sworn we started in my room."

"I know, I thought I was crazy for a second," the not really devorced woman chirped.

"Well I know I'm crazy for you," he kissed her lightly.

Christine giggled, "You are so fluffy sometimes." She bent down and began suckling Erik's perfect man nipple.

The Phantom moaned and hardened, "Wha- fluffy?"

'Pop' she released him, "Yes, fluffy. In fanfiction if something is overly romanic or corny the slang word for it is fluffy."

"Are we allowed to talk about fanfiction?"

"I don't know." Christine thought for a minute, "Um Authoress, are we allowed to talk about fanfiction?!"

"Just stick to the script!" I snapped, annoyed that they had gone off script.

"Um Authoress," Erik questioned nervously, "while you are here..."

"What," I seethed.

"Could you zap us back to the bed, please?" he asked as sweetly as possible.

"Fine!" This the last time I write a parody where you get sex and a happy ending.

Suddenly the two (whatever you wanna call them I'm too annoyed to think) were in the Pheonix bed. Erik and Christine stared loving at each other, then she remembered a question that had been on her mind, "No, I don't"

"You don't what?" I dred asking, feeling a headache coming.

"Remember what was on my mind," Perhaps next time I should give her one.

"You want to know how Erik was able to make love to you without being seen."

"Aaah what she said," Christine blubbed. (GGRRRRRR) "I just thought it was your Phantom-y Goodness (Honey, alot of people did)"

"Oh," Erik finally remembered that he existed in this fic. "While on my travels I came across a magic book store. I decided to buy a book called 'How to Throw Your Voice for Dummies'. The wicth doctor who owned the store also wanted to get rid of a book called 'How to Throw Your Spirit for Dummies', and when he offered it to me, I couldn't say no."

"Ok! What shall we do now?"

"We could make fun of Raoul?" Erik suggested

"Oooh, great idea," she bounced un and down.

* * *

I know this was short (as well as late), but there will be an extra chapter that makes no sense & is purely for amusement.

_**Izulza**_


End file.
